Finding Grace in Grief: Uncovering the Beauty in Life After the Loss of a Child

I decided many years ago that my loss would not define who I am and how I walk through the world. In the early days after losing my son Noah, I was overwhelmed and sometimes felt paralyzed by other people’s projections of what it meant to lose a child.

It was as if I had a sign on my forehead that read “grieving mother,” which was then accompanied by an avoided gaze, a look of pity, or someone else’s assumption that I was now doomed to a life without joy. The culture’s reaction to an already complicated and painful experience of losing my first child compounded my suffering and ignited a fire within me to prove to the world that I would rise up as my parents did and find joy again in my life.

I come from a lineage of strong, resilient women. I learned from my mother that love only grows stronger after losing a child along with our capacity to accept and support others. My grief cracked me open and gave me access to my inner world along with the ability to feel deeply and sit with others in their pain and their love.

Like many who go through loss, my greatest sorrow has opened me to my purpose - To reflect people’s love, light, and truth back to them so they can fully accept and love themselves. When we are validated in our feelings and witnessed without judgment, we can authentically accept ourselves and find forgiveness. This is how I healed after losing Noah.

There is a vulnerability that is inherent in the grief process. For parents who have lost a child, this tenderness can evoke remembrance and emotion at every milestone and occasion where you feel the absence of your child. However, it is also a superpower that can be developed and wielded as soft strength and renewed purpose.

On a good day, this can bring us closer to ourselves and help us to feel more love and connection, because it strips away the barriers that keep us separate from ourselves and the people that we love. When grief bubbles to the surface there are a wide array of sensations, emotions, and thoughts that arise with it, which offers us an opportunity to feel more instead of less and release the emotions of our grief. This in turn allows for healing and integration to take place on a deeper level.

At times I still feel the holes that Noah’s absence left behind, but mostly I feel how my own light has filled in the spaces and helped me to feel more whole than I did before his death. I don’t think that we ever ‘get over’ the loss of someone that we love, but if we can find the courage and support to feel and accept life’s hardships our grief can shape us in the most beautiful ways and open us to greater self-understanding, self-love, and beauty. I am living proof that there is life after loss.